WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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