Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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