I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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