it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
