I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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