well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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