nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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