I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
