I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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