Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
