I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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