life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
