a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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