Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
