i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
