I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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