why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
