I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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