I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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