atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
