i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
