The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
