She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
