I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
