i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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