So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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