I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
