Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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