Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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