First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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