Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
