I wish my penis had an off switch
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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