you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
