Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
