I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
