i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
