ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
soo... how was my night?
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