I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize