The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
