We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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