i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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