If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
