I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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