1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
