Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think i got beer on your cat.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize