well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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