she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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