you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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