Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
