Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
