I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize