I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
