Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
