Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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