so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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