Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
