I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
A+ Viking dick
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
