you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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