It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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