My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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