i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
