Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
