Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
