I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
