It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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