The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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