dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
