My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
