hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
