So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
