Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
