so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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