i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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