i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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