I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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