I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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