Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
