When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
